Category: Life

Posted on

Let’s Stay Home

 

I’m 64 on my way to 65. Looking forward to Medicare and Social Security. I’m not planning to retire yet, but I’m slowly easing towards it. I’m in relatively good health. I am still a workaholic and always have projects going on, but I’ve substantially shifted gears. I work whatever hours I wish, usually early in the morning or late at night. I do the same with writing and recording class videos. Most of my deadlines these days are self-imposed. 

I’ve worked remotely from home since 2015. Between 2015-2020, I also continued to maintain a small base of massage clients, which I let go when COVID started. Although I still have my massage license and plan to keep it for a few more years, I don’t intend to ever go back to regular practice. I have one client that I’ve seen almost daily for close to a year; she’s 39 and in a wheelchair due to an aneurysm and two strokes. She lives close by so I drop in most days for 20-30 minutes and do range of motion exercises with her and a little bit of “feel-good” massage. It feeds my soul and hopefully does some good for her. I get occasional messages from people on social media wanting to book massage with me, and so far, I’ve declined to take on any further clients. I don’t really foresee that changing.

I have a sign on my front porch that says, “Let’s Stay Home.” That’s my attitude these days. I have accepted a teaching gig at the Texas AMTA meeting in April, also one at NC AMTA in April, and I will of course be at the World Massage Festival as usual this year and hopefully for as long as it lasts. I will probably go down to FSMTA, also in July, since my brothers live nearby and I usually combine that with a visit to them.  I am volunteering with FSMTB this year and will probably have to make a trip or two for them, but I plan to never have another schedule that requires frequent trips away from home…because I want to be at home.

For years, I was out playing music on weekends, and that’s over, too. My picking and grinning takes place on the porch, or at an occasional jam session on the mountaintop with my friends in good weather. I’m past the point of waiting until 9pm to start playing and not crawling home until the wee hours of the morning. Neither my husband nor I  like to drive at night, and we don’t drink and drive, so we’ve turned into two old coots who don’t get out much. We’ve been to a few concerts in the past couple of years, but Robert Plant, Jason Isbell, or Billy Strings is going to have to appear in my back yard for me to consider going to another one. Not only has the price of tickets become ridiculous, but I also don’t like paying $12 for a beer just because I’m a captive audience. It’s insane. I’ll stay home and watch YouTube and spend $12 for a 6-pack of Guinness.

I haven’t turned into a hermit. I haven’t developed agoraphobia. I still enjoy meeting up with old friends and making new ones at conventions and teaching and attending CE classes. But my priorities have changed. When I was 24, I would have thought the world was coming to an end if I wasn’t out having a wild time on the weekends. At 64, I appreciate the heck out of being home and having a slow dance on the porch with my husband, and sipping on some cherry bounce. It’s a good life. So yeah, let’s stay home.

 

Posted on

A Rude Awakening: Unintended Plagiarism

Writing has been a big part of my life since I was in middle school, when I helped put the school annual together, and wrote in it that I wanted to be a writer when I grew up. I started college right after high school in the 70s, and wrote political articles for The Patriot, our school newspaper. A few years later, when I was working as a chef at a mountain resort, I started writing a regular column for their monthly newspaper. My first magazine article was published in a regional magazine, Spirit of the Smokies (no longer in existence), over 20 years ago. I’ve written numerous articles published in nearly every massage publication, and over 300 blogs.

In 2003, when I was working at the massage school I attended, I wrote my first book. Students were complaining about the prep guides that were out at the time to help study for the National Certification Exam from the NCBTMB, which was the licensing exam at the time in most regulated states. I cheekily thought I could do a better job, so I wrote a guide. I had copies of it wire-o bound and printed at a local print shop, and the owner of the school sold it in the bookstore. It never occurred to me to sell it to anyone except the students at the school. I still have one copy of that original in my possession, and it’s pitiful…it wasn’t professionally edited, it had no pictures, no index, and all around, it was just awful.

In spite of that, Lippincott Williams & Wilkins published the book. The owner of the massage school had received a letter from them asking if she would be interested in reviewing books from them, and she tossed it to me and said “Why don’t you do this, you’ll be good at it!” So I filled out an application, which involved listing anything you had published. I listed my book. A few weeks later, they contacted me and asked me to send them a copy…and the rest is history. They published the first edition in 2005, and went on to publish three editions of the book, as well as four other books I authored. They also threw me plenty of work as a reviewer, and writing curriculum for massage schools and ancillaries for other textbooks.  A few years ago, they decided to get out of the massage part of the healthcare publishing business, and returned my copyrights to me. I have since self-published my books. I haven’t even shopped them to other publishers. I have enjoyed being responsible for them from start to finish.

One of the high points of my career was Nina McIntosh, the author of The Educated Heart, personally asking me to author the future editions of her ethics book. She had been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease, and she didn’t want the book to die when she did. She had Lippincott sign a contract to that effect. When Lippincott dropped the massage line, and gave the copyright to Nina’s heirs, her heirs signed that over to me. I have authored the 4th and 5th (update, and now the 6th) editions and have been proud to carry on her work. I also took over writing her regular column, Heart of Bodywork, in ABMP’s magazine, Massage & Bodywork. It has been a great privilege, and I was flattered to be asked.

I was asked to revise Clay & Pounds Basic Clinical Massage Therapy: Integrating Anatomy & Treatment, after the original author died. It was one of LWW’s best-selling books, and during the revision, I found (and corrected) 75 anatomy mistakes in it. I’ve always wondered how many students learned the wrong thing from the original. David Pounds, the illustrator on the book, is brilliant, and won an award for the book.

Another high point of my career was winning the Silver Award in a case study contest from the Massage Therapy Foundation, which resulted in being published in the International Journal of Therapeutic Massage & Bodywork, a peer-reviewed publication. My study is indexed on PubMed. I had to cut the word count of the study in half for publication, and it was picked apart by their editors and by my own advisors before being published…in fact, I asked them to pick it apart before I ever submitted it. That was my first, and only, foray into writing for a peer-reviewed journal. I usually stick to writing about ethics and business.

I’ve written other self-published books on various topics, and edited and ghost-written books for other people who had a good story to tell, but weren’t writers. It’s been a rewarding part of my life. I haven’t gotten rich from it, but I’ve had a lot of personal satisfaction of being able to do what I enjoy doing. I usually have one or two people waiting in the wings for my services on that front.

Last weekend, that came crashing down around my head.  I submitted an article to a science-based magazine that I have written a couple of articles for in the past, and a couple of days later, received an email from the owner telling me they would not publish my article or any future work of mine because I was guilty of plagiarism. I almost choked. This magazine expects references on all articles, linked within the article, and I had done that. I responded to him that I had never intentionally plagiarized anything in my life, and that I thought I had provided the source links throughout the article.  He acknowledged that I had provided the links to the original work (all were research studies), but told me I had too many words copied verbatim that should have been in my own words. Strangely, a plagiarism checker, which I have never used before, but have since investigated, will computer-generate those alternative words for you, when it catches something that is plagiarized. I have never used a plagiarism checker, but it’s apparent that I need to start. It does seem kind of ironic that something that should be changed into your own words doesn’t actually have to be in your own words; the computer will change them for you.

This whole episode made me feel physically ill. I truly cannot describe how I felt. I was filled with embarrassment and shame. I cried in front of my husband, and threw up after I got the message, and have had a serious flareup of my IBS in the few days since.

I thought of the many times I have contacted other teachers to ask if I could use something they’ve written, or gotten quotes from to include in something I was writing. I’ve asked massage therapists to contribute to things I was writing, and asked some of the most well-known and illustrious teachers in massage if I could use something they’ve written, or a picture they’ve taken, and I have never been refused. They have all been very gracious about it. One teacher, who didn’t know me at all, when I contacted to ask if I could include something he had written in a class I was teaching, laughed and said, “Thanks for asking, most people just steal it!”

I thought of a time when people on FB kept sending me links to material from one of my own books that was being shared without any credits, saying “Isn’t this from your book?”. The illustrations from the Clay & Pounds book that I revised (pictures by David Pounds, accompanying text for them was mine) were being shared by a physical therapy company in Brazil with the statement “For more lessons like this, visit our website.” By the time Lippincott’s lawyers got that stopped, it had been shared more than 600,000 times on FB alone.

I thought of a time when I shared an article written by a well-known  friend and colleague on my social media, and a reader went ballistic and claimed it was someone else’s work. The author of it shared proof that she had written it in the 90s, long before the person that the reader was claiming whose work it was ever did a massage, and long before she was on social media holding herself out as an expert on the topic.

For the record, anyone is free to use anything I have written, whether that’s in a class or a publication. Please leave my name and/or the link to the book, article, or my website on it.

I am sharing this story because it was a hard life lesson for me. Although no one other than myself and the magazine owner, who is someone I know personally and like and respect, and whom I don’t expect to make this public or to ruin my reputation in any way, knows about it, I thought it was important to share this lesson. I thought I was doing the right thing when I included the links to the source articles in my article. I didn’t go far enough. I failed to include quotation marks. I am approved by the NCBTMB to teach over 30 classes, and I plan to run every single one of them through a plagiarism checker to make sure I’m not guilty of anything else. This is a good article, Accidental and Unintended Plagiarism, which is enlightening. Unfortunately for me, I should have read that before submitting the article.  I regret this entire incident. I regret that after writing for the past 50 years that this has happened this late in my career.  It’s never too late for a wake-up call, regardless of how painful it is.

Posted on

Coronavirus and Massage Therapist Resources

 

We are living in extraordinary times. Everyone I know has experienced hard times at some point, individually, but as a whole nation, and as the collective of massage therapists, we are currently going through things that we didn’t expect to go through. When this started (before it was acknowledged as a pandemic, and unfortunately even since), some people had the belief that it was something that existed on the other side of the world and wouldn’t affect us. Others have claimed it’s just a germ, or just the flu, or a political conspiracy. As a nation, we were ill prepared. I will save my political rant about that for another day (or another book). Right now, people need help.

Many massage therapists have voluntarily shut down their practice, and that includes those who have no savings and are worried about where their next rent payment will come from. Others are continuing to work, citing their finances. Others work for chains that threaten that they will have no job if they refuse to work. Harder times are coming, unless we do everything we can to stem the spread of this illness.

I have put together some information and some resources that massage therapists will hopefully find beneficial.

Financial Help

    • Today (Saturday March 21) as I am writing this, the Senate and the House are in session, putting differences aside, and working with White House negotiators trying to finalize the details of the economic stimulus plan. Current thought is that individuals and small businesses will receive $1000-$1200 checks, and the plan is to get them out there very quickly, hopefully April, and there may be an additional payment in May. The current thought is that if you filed taxes last year, you will not have to do anything special in order to receive it; it will automatically be mailed to you. I suggest watching national news shows to keep updated on this.

 

    • The Department of Labor has several important announcements on their website. While there is a statement to contact your individual state, the Federal  government has issued specific new guidance for the states. Under the guidance, federal law permits significant flexibility for states to amend their laws to provide unemployment insurance benefits in multiple scenarios related to COVID-19. For example, federal law allows states to pay benefits where:
    • An employer temporarily ceases operations due to COVID-19, preventing employees from coming to work;
    • An individual is quarantined with the expectation of returning to work after the quarantine is over; and
    • An individual leaves employment due to a risk of exposure or infection or to care for a family member.
    • In addition, federal law does not require an employee to quit in order to receive benefits due to the impact of COVID-19.

 

    • Obviously, I cannot list resources for specific states. My suggestions are for you to contact your state unemployment office to find out. There are local offices in most towns. I live in a very small town, but there is one here.

 

    • If you are a business owner, the Small Business Administration is helping small businesses with long-term (up to 30 years) loans at 3.75% interest that can cover operating expenses, payroll, etc. When you call your local office, say you are inquiring about the Economic Injury Disaster Loan (the name they are giving to this instance).

 

    • If you have credit card debt, don’t panic. Call your card company. Many of the major credit card companies are offering cardholders the opportunity to skip payments without interest.

 

 

    • If you have a student loan, now is a good time to ask for forbearance. Contact your particular lender.

 

    • Many utility, phone, and internet companies are giving people a break right now by easing shutoffs and forgoing late payments. Call your utility company to find out what they are doing.

 

    • There is further help for both renters and for homeowners. The Forbes website states that they will update this list as more information becomes available.  Best advice, though, is if you feel your are going to get behind on your mortgage, call the lender now. Don’t wait until you’re in real trouble of being foreclosed on. In this environment, and because lenders often get the information about financial developments before they do, they will often be sympathetic and help you out by deferring payments or accepting partial payments, or even refinancing at a favorable rate. They do not want to get stuck with a bunch of defaulted foreclosure properties in the midst of a recession, which we are undoubtedly heading for. They would probably rather take some money that no money, or give you a grace period on making payments.

 

If you rent, or your home (or office space) is financed by an individual, all the more reason to handle it and call them now. See if they are able and willing to work with you. I have seen quite a few therapists on FB who said that their landlords were very sympathetic and willing to work with them. If you don’t ask, you’ll never know. Some landlords may take a hard line or just not be in a financial position to do so themselves and refuse, but if they think about it carefully, they may decide that they would have difficulty replacing their reliable tenants in this environment, and work with you.

    • Sign this petition started by Leslie Titus to ask Congress to approve COVID-19 Massage Therapist Financial Hardship Relief.

 

    • Seek LOCAL resources. Now is not the time for pride to stand in the way of doing things you wouldn’t normally do, such as going to a food bank or going to local charities to ask for assistance. Rutherford County NC, where I live, is NC’s largest county, area-wise, largely rural, and only has a population of about 60,000. There are probably at least 20 food pantries here that are operated by churches and community organizations. There is also a soup kitchen open somewhere every day of the week. There are several local non-profits that help people with rent, heating expenses (thank God the need for that is close to over in most places).

 

    • Insurance tip from Allissa Haines: If you buy your health insurance on the national or your state exchange, you can probably edit your application to reflect your new income and get a lower rate. Allissa and Michael Reynolds have also made a lot of their podcasts available for free. 
      Speaking of insurance, keep in mind that your liability insurance will not cover you in the event of a client catching the virus in your practice. Allissa, incidentally, was exposed to the virus, and was in the uncomfortable position of having to call her clients to tell them that they had been exposed. You do not want to find yourself in that position.

 

Seek a temporary job. Go to a local temp agency and see what’s available. MANY grocery stores are currently hiring due to the food panic that’s going on. Yes, you will still be in contact with people. However, grocers are not a licensed profession, and they do not swear to a code of ethics that they will First Do No Harm. Amazon is hiring. Walmart announced  yesterday that they plan to hire 150,000 additional workers. Ingle’s announced the same.

There are many massage therapists that have other degrees, other trade experience, and/or other skills. I personally know many who are everything from CNAs, nurses, truck drivers, and formerly (or still part-time) work in other professions. Medical personnel are in great demand right now, and so are all kinds of support staff in hospitals, from the janitor to billing coders.

I’ve also seen some enterprising therapists who are doing home deliveries for people who can’t get out…doing errands, going to pick up groceries or to the drugstore for the elderly or immune-compromised. Some are even doing it as volunteers. If you are in the position of being able to do that, what a service to your fellow inhabitants of the planet.

Now that schools and day care centers have been shut down in many places, it’s possible that neighbors who are still able to work may need reliable temporary child care.

  • Unless you are 100% self-quarantining, there is hardly any work situation we can be in where we will not be exposed to someone. Social distancing is the best way to flatten the curve. It gives us the best chance of not passing this on to anyone. Going out anywhere to work is a risk, but again, those who work outside of licensed health professions do not swear that they are going to uphold a code of ethics to first do no harm. If you are a license therapist, you took that oath. Uphold it. We cannot maintain any social distance with our hands on unclothed bodies and our face inches away from theirs.

Be creative. You may possess skills that other people need that you can do at home, such as website building skills or baking bread (since there seems to be a run on that at the grocery store), proofreading, sewing, preparing taxes if you’re that savvy, or any number of things.

  • If you are a member of a professional massage association, contact their leadership and ask for their assistance in getting unemployment coverage for massage therapists during this unusual circumstance. They pay lobbyists in nearly every state. You will find the links to their leadership on their websites.

ABMP has a link on their website supporting the effort to obtain benefits for massage therapists. It allows you to send a pre-written letter that they have supplied to your congressperson by filling in your info and submitting a form. PLEASE take advantage of this call to action. They also have updates on their website about the actions in different states as far as shutting down or limiting massage therapy. ABMP also has a link to state shutdown orders on their website. 

AMTA has a link on their website supporting the effort to obtain benefits for massage therapists. It allows you to send a pre-written letter that they have supplied to your congressperson by filling in your info and submitting a form. PLEASE take advantage of this call to action. AMTA also has a link to state actions on their website. 

Keep Up with the Latest Updates

PLEASE keep abreast of your state’s situation by checking the website of your governor, your local health department, and your state massage board. There has been a lot of criticism of state boards, due to confusion that state boards have the legal authority to shut down the practice of massage on a statewide basis, which is not true. They are regulatory boards, not legislative. They can and should make announcement once your governor has signed an executive order to curtail massage, or order the shutdown of anything in your state, but they cannot personally mandate that massage therapists have to shut it down.

City councils have in some cases taken it on themselves to shut it down on a local basis. Here in my state of NC, Asheville’s council has shut it down. Other places may do the same.

Some state boards have extended the deadline for CE/license renewal and/or made allowances for taking your CE, due to the cancellation of massage meetings and conventions. In my state of NC, we are allowed to do all 24 hours online this time, instead of the usual 12. Check your board website for info.

Professional association members can get CE online at no additional charge; it’s included in your membership dues.

Centers for Disease Control

World Health Organization

 

Wise Words from Massage Therapists that I Listen to:

From Ruth Werner:
Ignore My Earlier Advice. Shut It Down.

My friends and colleagues, it’s time to shut it down. It’s past time to shut it down.
I wrote a piece two weeks ago that provided some ideas about how to take care of your practice, assuming you were still seeing clients. I hereby rescind that advice, and I apologize to anyone who was misled.

Close your practice.

For how long? Who knows?

If it were me, I would start with four weeks and re-evaluate after three.
Wouldn’t it be great if we had all the information we needed to make informed, non-panicky decisions that we knew would maximize effectiveness against the spread of COVID-19 virus, and minimize financial hardship? Sadly, we don’t have that data.

No one is going to make this decision for you. Not your membership organization, not your state board, only you.

No one is going to make this any easier for you.

This is your call. And if you want my opinion (and presumably you’re interested, because you’re reading this), here it is: close your practice.

Here are some things we know that have led me to this point of view:

1. The time between exposure and symptoms can be up to 14 days.

2. The virus is contagious for days before symptoms develop, so your “healthy client” might not be.

3. The virus stays intact on surfaces for several days; it stays intact in the air for several hours (at least).

4. COVID-19 is extremely contagious, and it doesn’t take a lot of exposure to spread from one person to another.

5. The virus appears to be contagious after symptoms subside—but we don’t know how long.

6. At this point, older people and those with impaired immune systems are not necessarily more likely than others to catch the virus, but they are more likely to need extensive medical interventions. (Although that may be changing. In some countries the number of people in hospital care are skewing much younger.)

7. We don’t have enough medical capacity to manage what’s coming—which makes it even more vital not to add to that load in any way.

There are so many things about this situation that should have been different. I could list a bunch, but (A) it wouldn’t help and (B) isn’t our blood pressure high enough without recounting all the ways our systems have failed us? And this frustration doesn’t even include some of the nutso crazypants stuff I’ve seen on Facebook and other outlets. For the record, keeping your throat moist will not prevent you from getting sick with COVID-19. Neither will holding your breath for 10 seconds.

But if we all commit to extreme social isolation, it is practically for sure that the impact of COVID-19 in this country will be less extreme, at least in the short run. While roughly the same number of people will get sick, it will happen over a longer period of time. This “flattening of the curve” means our health-care facilities might be able to keep up with our needs (see link here), which means the mortality rate will fall. And the day will come when we might be able to look back and say, “Wow, that wasn’t so bad—weren’t we silly to over-react?”

This will demonstrate that we did it right.

The naysayers and virus-skeptics and my-immune-system-is-strong-so-I’ll-do-what-I-want folks will point fingers and scoff and say we all fell for a huge hoax. Let them. They are wrong.

There’s a parallel in our recent history. In the 1970s, massive changes were put in place to limit the type of air pollution that caused acid rain. At that time, rain was literally melting our forests and corroding our buildings, not to mention what it was doing to groundwater. The changes, while expensive and inconvenient for many industries, worked. Acid rain is no longer considered a threat. And the result: some people (including some politicians who should *swearword* know better) suggest that the changes were unnecessary, because look: acid rain isn’t really a problem! Argle bargle. You can’t *swearword* win.

Let’s Make Some Lemonade!

The financial burden of losing several weeks’ of business is undeniable. I’m sorry, there’s no easy way out of this. Once this crisis has passed, it will be important to plan ahead for the next one. Financial planners recommend having at least a month’s worth of expenses put in an accessible savings account—just for events like this.

That said, having some dedicated but unscheduled time to devote to business holds a lot of potential.

This is a great time to do a really thorough cleaning of your office. Go in when it’s empty, and disinfect your equipment and surfaces. Do a top-to-bottom refresh. Dust, launder, swab, decontaminate, and shine up all your stuff. Listen to loud music while you do it. It will be fun. And when you go back to work—oh, such a joy it will be to enter your gorgeous, sparkling workplace!

This is a great time to take some continuing education online. Go shopping in the rich ABMP collection of online CE classes, here. You could take some business classes, and use this time to make plans for a grand re-opening. You could take some research literacy classes, and go on a PubMed.gov treasure hunt for articles that are up your alley. Have you always been curious about a certain technique or approach to bodywork? Here’s an opportunity to explore it to see what you might want to pursue in live classes.

Do you send out blogs or newsletters for your clients? Get ahead on your writing, and put some pieces away for later. It’s more important than ever to keep those lines of communication open, so this is a good investment of your energy. Let your clients know that while you can’t see them in person, you’re thinking of them.

It’s tax time: get ahead of your taxes for this year, and set up your books for easy use next year.

If you are caring for children during this time, include them in appropriate activities. Make them your model while you watch a technique video. Learn, or re-learn, some anatomy together. Make this time a gift.

Most of all, breathe deeply and be kind. Let’s take care of each other and help each other through a scary time. We’re going to be OK. We will emerge, poorer in money, but richer in experience, because we took the right actions. And we will be ready to help our clients and our communities come back up to full speed when the time is right.

From Cal Cates: 

Dear everyone who offers a service or type of care that is (when we’re being truly ego-free and honest) non-essential, but who is still staying open and touching/interacting in close proximity with people, but who is “being careful” and “prescreening”,
I have taken the liberty of creating a simplified form to support said caution and prescreening.
1. Please use the space below to list every surface you have touched, every place you have gone and the names of every person who has been within 6 feet of you over the last 14 days.
2. Please use the space below to do the same for each person that you listed above.
When you’re done thoroughly completing this form, the COVID-19 crisis should be over and we’ll be cool to proceed.

From Tracy Walton:
I understand that professional organizations are finding it hard–really hard–to discern right action right now. I have compassion for them and for all of us.
At the same time, this directive falls short (note–she was speaking of the original statement from AMTA, which did not advise therapists to stop doing massage).
The guidelines and messages from other countries are crystal-clear:
Social distancing now. Not tomorrow, now.
Massage is not in accord with social distancing.
Massage therapy may be health care, and important and essential, but it is elective and requires close contact by its nature.
Asymptomatic clients and therapists can and most likely are transmitting the virus.
We cannot afford to miss this. The stakes are unfathomably high.
My practice is closed for 3 weeks and probably longer.

About Me
I started taking bodywork classes back in 1993, finished massage school in 1999, and was in the first wave of people to get licensed in NC. I taught Ethics and marketing classes to my own class in massage school. They needed an instructor and I was qualified, so I was hired. I love massage therapy. I received my first one over 30 years ago when I woke up one morning and couldn’t turn my head. My enlightened mother took me to get a massage. After spending over 20 years in the restaurant business, I sold out and started massage school. I became an Approved Provider of Continuing Education, and since that time, I’ve taught more classes than I can count, mainly in the areas of Ethics, but also teacher training classes, marketing, and massage classes.

I also spent several years volunteering as a Unit Coordinator, and later as the administrator of all the coordinators for the NC Chapter of AMTA. I spent five years serving on the North Carolina Board of Massage & Bodywork Therapy, and was twice a delegate to the FSMTB. I’m the author of Heart of Bodywork, the Ethics column of ABMP’s Massage & Bodywork Magazine and the author of numerous books. Most are massage related; a few are on other topics, including one on the state of healthcare in every nation in the world.

I spent 13 years as a clinic owner employing a chiropractor, numerous massage therapists, a naturopath, an acupuncturist, an esthetician, and at various times, other practitioners. I closed it in 2016 when my deceased husband, Champ Allen, was sick. I spent three years working as the Massage Division Director of Soothing Touch, the massage product company, and for a little over a year, I have been working for CryoDerm, the pain relief and massage product company. They are a family-owned company located in FL; I live in NC. I am fortunate to get to work from home. I was recently promoted to President of Sales & Marketing there.

I have also maintained a very small client list for massage that I see in a local spa, usually about 6-8 clients per month. I am not seeing anyone at this time, and don’t intend to until I can be sure it’s safe to do so. I don’t know when that will be. None of us do. I am practicing social distancing and as close to self-quarantine as I can get. My mother, who lives a few miles away from me, is 81, in compromised health, and needs help at times, so I will continue to go there as needed. She has a  home  health care aid most days. I will run necessary errands to keep her from going out. Otherwise, my husband James Clayton (I remarried last year) and I are staying at home with our dogs. Even my brother, who lives directly behind me, and I are maintaining 6 feet between each other. He was injured in a serious accident last year, has had 7 surgeries as a result of that, and has implanted antibiotics. James is a two-time cancer survivor who has had a lot of chemo and radiation, which does a whammy on the immune system, so I certainly don’t want to bring anything home to him.

I wish you all the best in these trying times and I hope you all remain well.

Laura Allen Clayton

Posted on

New Year, No Fear

 

In a few more hours it will be 2019. The year that I’m going to turn 60…when did that happen? I’m just grateful to still be here. The last few years have been kind of rough, but I’m still kicking.

 

I’m not making any resolutions this year. I’m just carrying on with the mantra I’ve been repeating to myself for the past few months: No Fear. 

I’ve taken a few leaps of faith in my lifetime, some of them during the past year. I gave up a lucrative job because I felt isolated working from home all the time, and I had the desire to get back out there and do massage. I was a little concerned about walking away from a regular guaranteed paycheck, but I’m getting along just fine. I also allowed myself to fall head over heels in love with someone new, and so far, that’s working out, too.

The thing is, fear creeps in when you don’t expect it. I’m not talking about fear of the things that go bump in the night…that happens when you live in an old house. I’m talking about insecurity-type fear. Fear of not being everything everybody expects me to be. Fear of not being a good enough partner, a good enough teacher, a good enough writer, a good enough musician, a good enough friend, a good enough human being…fear of just not being good enough, period.

I’m trying hard to let go of that, because I am the only one I have to face when I look in the mirror. The older I get, the more I realize that I am not obligated to live up to anybody else’s expectations of me, and maybe I’ve been too hard on myself, and take too many things personally. As someone dear to me who is gone used to say, “What you think of me is none of my business.”

I may never write a best-seller. I’ll keep playing music in local bars…I won’t ever play at the Coliseum. I might teach classes that attract 20 people instead of 200. But I realize that I’ve had the same core group of good friends for most of my life…a few of them since childhood, others for 3 or 4 decades, and some newer ones who think I’m worth their time, and money can’t buy that. I am blessed with someone who knows my shortcomings, and loves me in spite of them. I may not have everything I want, but I do have everything I need. And I’m good enough.

Happy New Year to one and all, Peace on Earth, and I wish you a 2019 with No Fear.

Posted on

The Ghosts of Christmas Past

I have an old hand-written address book that I usually only get out for the purpose of sending Christmas cards to old friends and relatives that I don’t see very often. This week as I was doing that task, it was a wake-up call to see how many of them are dead…including many who are younger than I am. And a few whose cards have been returned “address unknown.” People who at one time were important to me and that I have fond memories of, who for whatever reason, I’ve lost touch with…they’re gone, but not forgotten. I hope they think of me occasionally, with the same good wishes for me that I have for them.

As I’m prone to do this time of year, I also remember some of my favorite Christmases from childhood. The guitar my mother got me with Green Stamps (only people of a certain age will know what that is) when I was nine. The year there was a big, heavy box under the tree with my name on it, from my brother Robert, that turned out to be a bottle of Scope mouthwash wrapped in about a hundred layers of newspaper. The year that I bought said brother an album he really wanted, only to find out on Christmas morning that he had carefully unwrapped it right after I put it under the tree and replaced it with an old album. The year I got a tiny grand piano that really played, which I loved, and which a neighbor kid sat on and destroyed. The year we got a mini-bike, which was one of my favorites. We just knew we were going to get one; my stepfather was working in  a motorcycle shop, and my brothers and I were just convinced we couldn’t possibly get anything but the mini-bike we wanted. Early on Christmas morning, we all went downstairs, and found a nice pile of loot under the Christmas tree, but alas, no mini-bike. We had been up for about an hour when I went to the bathroom, and there it was, with a big red bow on it. We woke up the neighborhood riding it in the yard at 6 am.

My favorite Christmas memories are of being at my grandparents’ house every year with all the cousins. We would all have our instruments and be playing music and singing to entertain everyone. And slipping outside to have a sip of the concoction my mother used to make that we all called “green god-a-mighty.” I don’t know what was in it, but I suspect it was moonshine made by one of my uncles, with frozen lime-aid in it. It was potent. My grandparents didn’t drink, or have alcohol in the house, so my mom left it in the car in a big cooler with some cups, and if my grandma ever knew why we all kept slipping outside and coming back in looking a little red in the face, she never said so.

People who lived through the Great Depression didn’t waste anything. I remember my grandmother very carefully unwrapping her gifts so she could save the paper and bows to be used again the next year. She would use it for years. When she grew so old she had to move out of her home, and we were cleaning it out, I found her recycled stacks of wrapping paper, folded neatly, and every single card that anyone had ever given her in a cabinet, in stacks tied neatly with strings. One of my prize possessions was a butterfly quilt that she made for me, made from the dresses that my mother had when she was a little girl, and the dresses had been made from flour sacks. Yes, young people, flour used to come in cloth sacks. I have already passed it down to my great-niece.

This week I’ve been baking some Christmas goodies, and using the cutting board and rolling pin that belonged to my grandmother. I get her tiny nativity set and a little red glass lamp out every year at Christmas. I remember all the gifts she gave to her grandchildren, which probably cost less than a dollar, and it seems like we all appreciated them more than any expensive gifts we might get today. I still have some of mine, and they sit on a bookshelf along with her picture and other mementos of her. If my house caught fire, they’d be the first thing I grabbed.

 

 

 

 

 

Earlier this year, my oldest brother was in a serious accident, and he’s lucky to still be here and be able to celebrate Christmas with us. I will always be grateful for the 25 Christmases I spent with Champ and with his family. We had a lot of good times, and survived a lot of hard times, and I will never forget them.

This year, I have been blessed with the love of a good man, and I am making new memories with him. I will be having Christmas with him and his family for the first time, and I’m looking forward to it. This coming Sunday, I will gather again with the cousins. We’ll eat and visit, and play and sing like we used to do at Granny’s house, and maybe slip out for a sip of moonshine. It reminds me that all the hoopla and stress and shopping surrounding the holidays isn’t important at all. The only important thing is being with family and loved ones, and being grateful for the gift of that, and it doesn’t come with a price tag or any wrapping. Merry Christmas to you, or whatever you celebrate, and I wish you joy and health and happiness.

Posted on

A New Beginning

Almost every day, I listen to one of my favorite pieces of music while I’m driving in my car…it’s called A New Beginning, written by Ric DeLozier, a very talented musician I first saw perform about six months ago. I’ve been listening to the song ever since. It’s very uplifting to me. There is something wrong with the CD player in my car, and sometimes the CD just gets spontaneously sucked into the player and lands on that song. It always seems to happen when I need to be lifted out of some dark place I’m in <cue the Twilight Zone theme song>.

Ric DeLozier

The first time I heard it, I had the thought that I was in the midst of a new beginning myself, one that I didn’t want or ask for. My husband died a year and a half ago, and I was forced to begin a new life, alone. The most mundane things hit me like a ton of bricks. I had to buy a step stool so I could reach the things in the top cabinet. Get out the ladder to change the lightbulb on the porch. Try to adjust to making coffee and cooking for just one person. Get used to the fact that there is no one here to talk to. Get used to being very deprived of human touch. Accept the fact that no one except the dogs would be glad to see me when I got home. I had a lot of meltdowns in the car.  As all who have been there know, grief ebbs and flows, and sometimes it knocks the crap out of you like a tidal wave when you least expect it.

I spent a year deliberately not making any big decisions. Once that year was up, I started to think about quitting my job and switching gears. For the past three and a half years, I have worked from home as the Massage Division Director of Soothing Touch. While some travel was involved, most of the time I got to spend at home with my husband while he was ill. It was good to be able to do that, and I wouldn’t trade one minute of the experience. But since he has been gone, I have been isolated. I felt like I needed to be out working in the world again, making human connections, and using the power of touch to make a difference in the way people feel. Another new beginning happened on August 1, when I hung out my shingle again as a massage therapist at my new business. It just felt like the right thing to do.

The autumn equinox happened three days ago…a new beginning of my favorite time of year. To the Celts, the equinox was known as Mabon, a time to celebrate the changing season, show gratitude for a bountiful harvest, and share our abundance. I do celebrate autumn; it’s my favorite time of year. I am in gratitude for many things: my family, and my family of selection, my good friends, my home, my ability to earn a living doing something I love to do, my travels, my music…too many things to name. I am grateful for every day, and every moment spent with those I love. For me, true abundance isn’t about how much money or how many things you have, it’s about how much love you have in your life and how much you share it. My cup is overflowing.

Some other new beginnings are  happening in my life, and I’m grateful for those: a new friend who is very special to me, new projects to work on, new goals to work towards, new places to go, new people to cross paths with, new songs to sing and new books to write, and new experiences to learn from. New beginnings are sometimes born of grief, or tragedy, or personal trials that test your strength to the very core, and rising up out of it.

I get a new beginning every day, and I don’t want to waste it…I want to get every drop out of it. A few months ago, I adopted the mantra of NO FEAR. I will live and love life to the fullest and be grateful for each new experience. I will seize the day. I will seize the moment.  I will remember the past and honor what has happened, but I won’t live in it. I won’t be afraid to tell people how I really feel, or love like there’s no tomorrow–because there is only the present, and that’s where new beginnings appear. I repeat the old saying, “yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, and that’s why they call it the present.” Here’s to no fear, and new beginnings.

UPDATE:  Ric died at home December 31, 2019. Cancer SUCKS! His beautiful music lives on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on

Old Things

It’s Christmas, the first one since my husband died in May of this year. As I sit here with only my dogs for company, I look around my home, and I find comfort. My house is filled with things from the past. My grandmother’s tiny nativity set. Her old pie safe, which is one of my prized possessions, and was a gift to her in 1926 when she married. Her old butter churn sits by the stove. Her old treadle sewing machine serves as my nightstand. The big dough bowl that belonged to her mother, who died when I was a child, holds part of my rock collection. My dining room suite is the first nice thing my parents bought some 50 years ago, and it was old when they got it. The pie safe and the China cabinet is filled with my Depression glass, most of which was inherited from both grandmothers, and a set of ruby glass gifted to me by an old friend who has passed. My coffee table is an old cedar chest gifted to me when I was 12 by a great-aunt and uncle who are long gone. On a shelf is the baby plate and cup that belonged to my dad, various pieces of Depression glass from my aunt and uncle who have passed on, and a few pieces of milk glass and carnival glass from my husband’s family. On the stove is my grandmother’s cast iron frying pan, which I use every day. On the wall is a dulcimer made in 1920, gifted to me by another uncle who is gone. A guitar that was gifted to me by a dying friend 40 years ago sits on a stand.

I feel connected to generations of ancestors who had a much harder life than I’ve had. My mother, who will be 79 next month, was raised dirt-poor and picked cotton for 25 cents a bale to earn money. My grandparents were share-cropping farmers and raised everything they ate. They worked from sunup to sundown and didn’t even know they were poor. They didn’t really have anything to judge that by. I plainly recall the day they got indoor plumbing in their house. They never owned a car and walked everywhere. My grandpa never owned a tractor. He plowed with a mule. They were happy, kind, and generous people.

I think of my husband and the 25 Christmases we had together, and I miss him. In the corner of the bedroom is a chair made by his grandfather. His motorcycle helmet sits on it. All around the house are things he built for me for Christmas presents. One year, a closet. One year, the porch. Bookshelves. Cabinets. His loving spirit is in every board, every nail.

As I sit here, the ghosts of Christmas pasts are visiting. I think of the cousins all sitting around the wood stove at my grandparent’s house, playing and singing. I think of sneaking out to the barn to have a sip of moonshine. I think of my grandmother’s coconut cake and country ham and biscuits. I remember the way she would very carefully unwrap her gifts so she could use the paper and ribbons the next year. I think of how many meals my grandmother cooked in that frying pan. I think of my grandmother sewing my mother’s dresses, made from flour sacks, on that old sewing machine. I light her old kerosene lamp and think of her sewing or reading the Bible by that light, as they didn’t have any electricity until after 1940. I think of my husband sitting in that chair when he was a little boy.

I love my old things. They remind me of where I came from, and that I can be proud that I came from such good people. They remind me that I was greatly loved by a good and wonderful man, a gift that money can never buy.

I wish a Merry Christmas to you and yours, and tidings of comfort and joy.

Posted on

Autumn Leaves

 

Autumn LeavesThis is my favorite time of year in North Carolina. As I listen to Eva Cassidy singing Autumn Leaves, they are indeed falling. The sky is that peculiar intense shade of azure that happens this time of the year; the mornings are crisp and the days are still warm…today is the first day there was a freeze at my house.

I am easing into the sixth month since my husband died. It’s been a huge adjustment. I miss him all the time. We were together for 25 years, and we had something together that everyone should be lucky enough to have. This time of the year, we would always take a Sunday ride up to the Blue Ridge Parkway to enjoy the changing leaves. I let that pass this year; most of the color has already come and gone. I’ve been thinking about the cycle of renewal that represents. Those leaves swirl in the wind and fall to the ground, and come spring, the new growth begins again. Kind of like me. I’ve fallen as far as I can go.  But I have to look ahead and think about the new growth to come.

I’ve had to do things I’m not used to doing, like sleeping by myself. Making coffee and cooking for one. Going to the home improvement store and navigating the maze of building supplies for some of the things that need doing around the house. Climbing a ladder. Using a drill. Killing a big spider. Getting a snake off the porch. Moving heavy furniture. Painting. Being my own roadie and designated driver. There’s nobody else here to do it. I depended on him for a lot of years (and in fairness, he could depend on me for many things). But now I have to depend on myself.

I’ve been keeping myself very busy. I finally finished my 12th book, which has been three years in the making, and it will be out sometime this week. I already have another in progress, one that I’m helping a friend of mine with. In addition to working, which I am fortunate enough to get to do at home, every day I have some kind of project at the house, a home improvement, a necessary repair, cleaning and clearing, anything to keep myself occupied so I don’t just lie here wallowing in misery and loneliness. I’m blessed with family and good friends who have sustained me. My dogs are great company. I’m playing in two bands and going to jam sessions. I still feel funny going places by myself that Champ would have accompanied me to, but I know he wouldn’t want me to hide in the house and stop living. He would want me to do just what I am doing: keep putting one foot in front of the other. Find things to laugh at. Remember the good times. Be grateful for the time we had together, and be grateful he’s not suffering anymore.

And I miss you, most of all, my darling, when autumn leaves start to fall. 

 

 

Posted on

It’s Official: I’m Old.

I’m taking a break from writing about massage today. It’s my blog. I get to do that 😀

In a few more days, I’ll be 54. I confess, I haven’t really thought of myself as “old,” although I don’t dress the way I did when I was 20, I don’t party the way I did when I was 20, and I hopefully have a lot more common sense and acquired knowledge than I did when I was 20. I’m overweight, but I am in relatively good health. I enjoy my work, and I still work as hard as I ever did, usually putting in 12 hour days. I’m also enjoying my second childhood playing in a band, after taking quite a few years off from performing regularly in public. It’s fun to be out there doing something you love and getting paid for it.

I was actually at a jam session last night while the VMA awards show was on, so I didn’t see it (another sign I’m behind the times, I guess, that I don’t have all those techno goodies that let you watch shows at any time). This morning while I was watching the news, they showed a clip of Miley Cyrus “twerking,” which apparently is a dance synonymous with simulating sex, on the show. She also kept sticking out her tongue, a la Gene Simmons, who should in no way feel flattered that she is imitating him.

I guess it’s official: I’m old. I was appalled by her behavior. The same girl who was sweet Hannah Montana, fingering herself with a foam rubber glove, bumping and grinding on singer Robin Thicke, while her mother looked on proudly from the audience…I can’t imagine my mother being proud of that kind of performance. I posted a similar comment on my FB page, and while there were many people who were just as disgusted as I was, I got a few comments along the lines of “my grandmother was mortified by Elvis” and “she is just this generation’s Madonna.”

And of course, that’s all true. The difference is, I was young when Elvis was around–I think I was about 20 or so when he passed. I was still relatively young when Madonna burst on the scene, and I confess, I never was a big fan of Madonna. I know she’s still out there doing her music and acting or directing or whatever else she does, and I can applaud her staying power, if nothing else.I suppose when I was younger, I didn’t find Elvis’ hip action or Madonna’s pointy bras shocking. If I was still 20, I might not have found Cyrus’ performance to be in such poor taste, but I like to think I would.

I’m not entertained by music, if you can call it that, that only contains the same lines over and over, like “baby, baby, baby.” Any time I’m at home on Saturday night, I watch the reruns of Lawrence Welk. They play real music on there, timeless songs that have actual lyrics. After watching Cyrus’ display this morning, I went to my youtube channel and watched a few videos of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers…I thought, “Now that is dancing.”

I still love rock and roll. I play a lot of rock and roll…classic, mostly, but with some of today’s popular music mixed in. I don’t have the body to pull off those show-your-butt shorts and flesh-colored bra that Miley Cyrus was wearing, and I wouldn’t be seen in them, even if I did. I could never imagine myself on stage “twerking,” or grabbing my crotch, or grabbing anyone else’s crotch who happened to be onstage with me, or getting on my knees in front of someone and simulating oral sex. I assume the people who come to see me play music aren’t expecting that kind of thing, so they won’t be disappointed. I have some old videos hanging around of some of my performances when I was her age, and I wasn’t dressing that way or doing that kind of thing then, either.

I don’t think of myself as a prude. I think you can be really sexy without appearing to be tasteless and raunchy. Tina Turner is 74 and still sexy. Turner used to say, regarding her famous on-stage shimmy, that she could look sexy without looking vulgar because she shook it from side to side, and didn’t thrust her pelvis toward the audience. Adele exudes sex appeal, and she’s a fat girl like me. When I think of the women singers I admire, none of them feel compelled to do anything remotely similar to the show that Cyrus put on last night.

Sex sells, and so does controversy. She’s probably sold a few more records today on account of it. Bless her heart.

Posted on

My Thoughts on the Election 2012

I’m taking a break from talking about massage this week.

I’ve always hated election time. All the constant television ads, telemarketing phone calls from political action committees, and all the rest of it. And now that we have social media to vent our opinions on, it just seems to be magnified a thousandfold.

I have always mostly stayed out of the fray. I don’t discuss politics (or religion) with clients at my office. If any of them bring up those subjects, if it’s in a general tone, I let it pass. If they start with specifics, I usually say “You’re here to relax, and a debate is not relaxing. Let’s focus on your (neck, back, whatever) instead and see if we can help you feel better.”

I haven’t said a word about my choice of candidates until a couple of weeks ago. I have several thousand massage therapists on my social networks, and other friends from all walks of life as well. I have seen some of them nearly working themselves up to a heart attack with their political rants on FB. I no longer see them posting pictures of their kids or their dog or talking about their day; it’s all politics, all the time.

Then one day, I thought to myself, I just can’t be quiet any longer.  I’ve worried about offending people, but then again, in the past five years, nearly every blog I’ve ever written has offended people. I’ve had people un-friend me on social networks on account of my blog. I’ve ticked off not only individuals, but entire companies and organizations with my revelations and opinions about the politics of massage, and in the general scheme of things, I’m not known for keeping my mouth shut. So in the past couple of weeks, I’ve been letting my opinions be known, and like other people who are doing the same on FB, facilitating some juicy arguments.

For every piece of sensationalism regarding either of the candidates that make it to the news, the opposing party always has an answer:”That was taken out of context. This is what he REALLY said.” “He doesn’t really mean that, what he really means is THIS.” “Shame on the biased media that printed THAT.” It just goes on and on. And yes, both parties do it. One is just as guilty as the other. It’s our task, as voters, to muddle through the hyperbole, the half-truths, the outright lies, the edited videotapes, and the photo-shopped pictures in order to make the right choice…for us. And to bear in mind that what’s the right choice for you isn’t the right choice for me. The reason that you vote for someone will be the very same reason that I don’t.

On my FB page, my political affiliation since the day I signed on has been “Sick of the whole damn thing.” That’s still pretty accurate. The first time I voted, I voted for Ronald Reagan. In the ensuing years, I have come to believe that his opponent at the time, Jimmy Carter, is one of the most admirable people on the planet. Some years ago, I stopped voting for the party, and started voting for the person.

One of the biggest factors at election time is always the economy. Here in my corner of North Carolina, the economy sucks. In fact, here is a photographic essay I did about that. But I can’t blame that on the current administration. It didn’t happen on his watch.

Personally, I’m not rich. I’m not poor. I’m just a middle-class, small-business owner trying to survive–and thrive. If I lost my business tomorrow, I don’t think I could blame that on the president, no matter who that is. So for me, the economy is not the deciding factor in who to vote for.

The deciding factor, for me, is the equal treatment of all human beings. I don’t believe Mitt Romney views women as equal. I’m busting my butt at my business every day, and I’m not one of those women who usually gets home in time to cook dinner, but how nice of him to be concerned about that. And I’ll state just for the record that I’m heterosexual and been married to the same man for 20 years. Romney’s statements on and treatment of gay people have been atrocious.

I cannot remain silent on this issue. Gay people are not more than, or lesser than, me or Romney or anyone else. If YOUR religion teaches that homosexuality is wrong, that’s between you and your higher power. The people of the United States are guaranteed the separation of church and state. The government shouldn’t equate “sin,” or the president and his idea of it, or any political party’s idea of it, and the law. If your religion teaches you to be intolerant of someone because they were born different from you, and to deny them the same rights as other human beings, that’s the reason I don’t belong to your organized religion.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it, and that’s why I support Barack Obama.

So you vote as your conscience dictates, and I’ll vote mine. The day after the election is over, we’ll all still be here on the same planet, in spite of our differences. And we can all rest peacefully, secure in the knowledge that whomever wins, the administration that follows them will blame everything that is wrong on them, because that’s the American way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Social media & sharing icons powered by UltimatelySocial